Its getting to be almost one year since my dad passed away. I am yet to learn to cope with living without my dad. No, I am not sad all the time. I laugh, I enjoy, I eat out, I go to the movies, I sing, I paint. I do my everyday activities as usual, but every so often in the day, my dad rushes into my thoughts and I end up thinking ‘oh! dad would have loved this’ or ‘this would make dad laugh’ or just ‘oh dad, I miss you’.
I must be one of the very few kids in this world who never got scolded by their dad. Ever. :). Never once did my dad ever scold me for anything. Only once I got a mild ‘What are you doing?’ when I took away the stool he had used to climb up on to a table to reach the high branches of the bougainvillea he was trimming. I remember crying a bit for that! 😉
I try not to remember him when he became ill. I try to remember him
- Reading his paper, end to end. He loved politics and followed India’s political scene with keen interest. What little I know of politics is entirely due to him.
- Doing crossword and sudoku. He would complete the crossword first and then tackle sudoku. Sometimes the sudoku would be completed within an hour but sometimes, he would sit with it the entire day, irritating all of us. We would say, ‘just leave it’. But no! he would not, not until it was over!!!! I do the crossword now everyday, but not sudoku!
- Doing his morning yoga without fail, come rain or shine. I like yoga too. I like to think it is because of him that I first started it.
There are so many memories of my dad that it is impossible to write down everything. I listen to a song, then remember that dad liked that actress or that movie. I read a book, then remember that dad liked this topic. I skip channels on TV, then reach the program or channel that dad followed.
When I think back now, I feel amazed at all the things that dad was good at, astrology, astronomy, literature, languages, politics, science, and so much more.
Now whenever there is a moment in my life that I wanted dad to share with, I go to his photo and tell him. It is not the same. It will never be the same. I miss his voice, his presence and his touch.
He taught me so much. I wish he was here to teach me more.
I guess I will never get used to his absence. I have learnt that dad had to go, it was the rule of the world, but I can never let go of his memories.
Love you dad, forever.