Democracy (noun): A political system where a country is ruled by the people either directly or through elected representatives.

India is the largest democracy of the world.

A big responsibility.

After the British were thrown out (they were here for more than 200 years, a long time believe me!), India became a Democratic Republic in 1947. And still continues to be so.

That is why elections is very much a part of the life of every citizen of India.

Because ours is a decentralised rule of land, we have many elections, local, state and central.

India’s public are very much invested in the election process. The politics of the nation is a hot topic everywhere, always. People are always discussing politics in here. You have to see it to believe it! Trains, offices, parks just about anywhere, you can find a group of people discussing the current latest topic of the day.

The number of periodicals that are printed in India and in current circulation in all languages put together is the largest in the world. Most of the news items are based on politics and current affairs . The 24 hours news network in India thrives on politics.

And  if elections are due, these media guns blaze with full force. No one can escape!

Every citizen of India has a vote, There is no clause that prevents a voter except insanity.  So everyone feels powerful, even if is only once in 5 years!. But having said that, I feel just the fact that there is no restriction on voters based on any factor is just a great thing to have, considering the fact that even in countries like USA that prides itself on its democracy, has citizens who are not allowed to vote.

And of course, there is also the fact that in India only the majority vote getter is declared winner!

The process of election itself is fascinating. It has a life of its own.

Let me teach you the recipe of elections in India.

Ingredients:

  • 1 big brother called Election Commission to supervise your cooking
  • 1 constituency
  • 1 election office for that constituency
  • 1 political party and 1 party symbol
  • 1 ticket
  • a bunch of party workers in support, with vehicles
  • a butt load of money
  • a big motley crowd of media persons, including sundry photographers and TV news crew
  • a truck-load of propaganda material like pamphlets, fliers, etc with your name, photo, party, party symbol.
  • a whole lot of common people
  • a pinch of emotions
  • a dollop of issues of common people
  • a liberal scoop of controversial statements
  • a big spoon of trash talk about your opponents
  • a big chunk of catchy slogans
  • a large quantity of election promises (more outlandish the better). No need to add them in the recipe just yet.
  • Some finger nails to bite (better if they are your own for hygiene sake!)
  • Some election pundits and TV news anchors

  1. Join a political party. Work hard and raise up in ranks. This may take a long time. Alternately, it will be faster if you are related to someone already in power, like father, father-in-law, brother etc. Obtain a ticket from the party to contest from a constituency.

  2. Alternately, if you could not get a ticket or you don’t like any party, you can stand for elections in the constituency as an independent. Or even better, start your own party. Doing this however may cost you more than the butt load of money told in the ingredients.

  3. Once the schedule of elections is announced by the Election Commission of India, memorise all the important dates.

  4. Take a bunch of your supporters along with sundry camera persons and file your nomination in the election office. Take photos. Make sure your bunch of minions will take care of printing the same in next days’ newspapers.

  5. Make sure to pay the deposit amount at the election office, from the butt load of money. (It is very likely that you may lose the deposit if you don’t poll a certain number of votes. But don’t let that deter you from filing nomination!)

  6. Now comes the actual leg work! Travel throughout the constituency with the said propaganda material and talk to a whole lot of common people. Catch the said people unawares by going to their residences too if necessary. Talk to them in school grounds, or any other such open places.

  7. Spend the butt load of money freely to organize these events. Use your bunch of supporters to mobilise the crowd. You may have to provide transport and/or bribes to the common people to come to your meeting and may be vote for you later.

  8. When talking to people, mix in the emotions, trash talk and important issues from the ingredient list freely as and when applicable and move the crowd with your slogans. Talk about non-existing issues and try and sway people with your speeches. Bring all the emotions to a boil. Swear to the people that you will fulfill all the election promises at a later date. Don’t add them now.

  9. Distribute your propaganda material among the people. Take out ads in newpaper, radio and TV. Put your face on every billboard if possible.

  10. Continue the steps 6, 7, 8 and 9 relentlessly till the last date of campaigning. Don’t let up now. Keep all issues in forefront and simmer the contents using all the media power.

  11. Wait for Election date. Start biting nails.

  12. Bite nails till the election results are announced. Watch the exit polls, election analysis and discussions by the pundits and TV news anchors and watch your BP rise! The nation wants to know! The common people too are very much interested in these discussions. They remain glued to TV and news papers too.

  13. The results are declared live on TV. So stick to the TV for details for trends and swings. You can see if you are winning or losing.

  14. The recipe will be complete once the results are announced by the big brother.

  15. If you win, the recipe is a great success.

  16. If you lose, the recipe is a great failure. There is no middle ground between these two.

 

Hope you liked the recipe! 😀

Election season in India  is like a big nation-wide festival. Enjoy the election flavour. It is just around the corner now.

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